I am the other Mother

Mother's Day 2013

It has been a long time since I have felt the need to theraputically post something for all the world to see.

However Today is one of those days.  Today is a hard day for many people. People who have lost a child, people who have lost a mother.  Or people whose Mothers cannot parent them.  I think of my sweet friend who is being raised by her grandmother.  I know there is a sadness in her heart because her Mom cannot be the Mom this sweet girl needs her to be. I know that in spite of the excellent job her grandmother is doing raising her, it does not erase the ache in her heart.  I think of  my friend who is waiting for her first child through adoption. Years of waiting make this day hard.  I think of another friend whose lost a child.  Her role of Mother redefined as her precious son is now in Heaven and she has empty arms.  And of course I think of Jared.  I can't help thinking about being the "other mother"   As an adoptive Mom.  I respected the "other mother" for the gift she gave me.  However I was leary of how to share this precious gift with her.  As time went by I realized.  Weither I wanted to or not.  The Other Mother is apart of this child's life.  Of course every child is different some children think often of their "other families"  while some children may seldom think of their other families Child.  But "the other family" is apart of who they are. Weither it is the family that raised them for the first several years of their life, or "the other family" is the birth family that shaped them through their DNA.  The other family is apart of who they are.  The other family has helped make them who they are. They think about her.  They wonder why they can't be with her.  They miss the thought of her.  Sometimes this was unsettling as an adoptive mom.  After all I was in the trenches doing the hard work.  Changing the poopy diapers, dealing with the temper tantrums, cleaning up after the messes of life.  However as life has changed and I have become the other Mother.  I smile.  Knowing somewhere there is a little boy who is celebrating with his family. I wonder if he thinks of me on this day.  And I know with certainty he remembers the years we had together.  And I now know with understanding how to encourage Adoptive Mothers.  Not to be afraid of the "other Mother" as She is in their children's thoughts weither they have the courage to share this with their family or not.

I also know that the other mother thinks of her child.  Some more often than others but.  For me it comes in waves.  A child who resembles Jared at Walmart.  A song he loved to sing.  A favorite toy of his.  A memory.

I smile as I had a great opportunity this week to meet up with a friend of mine who was adopted at birth and has reconnected with her birthfamily.  I sat outside with two sisters, an Aunt and a Mom. Separated by circumstances brought together once again.  No they did not have the shared experience of being raised for the first eighteen years together. But they are reconnecting as family.  I smile as  I know that one day we will sit together and laugh and cry together. It may be ten years, it may be twenty years, it may be thirty years from now.  But I know we are connected.  Separated by circumstances.