I don't know if anyone else can relate to this. But sometimes I have a soundtrack
going on in my mind. Maybe it is the songwriter in me, or maybe it is just the meloncholy side of my nature. But this past week these songs have been going on in my head.
So I posted them. Sometimes listening to them gets them out of my head other times.. They play over and over again..
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Missin You
Your smile lights up a room
Like a candle in the dark
It warms me through and through
And I guess that I had dreamed
We would never be apart
But that dream did not come true
And missing you is just a part of living
Missing you feels like a way of life
I'm living out the life that I've been given
But baby I still wish you were mine
And I cannot hear the telephone
Jangle on the wall
And not feel a hopeful thrill
And I cannot help but smile
At any news of you at all
And I guess I always will
Cause missing you is just a part of living
And missing you feels like a way of life
I'm living out the life that I've been given
But baby I still wish you were mine
Missing you is just a part of living
And missing you feels like a way of life
I'm living out the life I've been given
But baby I still wish you were mine
I'm living out the life that I've been given
But baby I still wish you were mine
Like a candle in the dark
It warms me through and through
And I guess that I had dreamed
We would never be apart
But that dream did not come true
And missing you is just a part of living
Missing you feels like a way of life
I'm living out the life that I've been given
But baby I still wish you were mine
And I cannot hear the telephone
Jangle on the wall
And not feel a hopeful thrill
And I cannot help but smile
At any news of you at all
And I guess I always will
Cause missing you is just a part of living
And missing you feels like a way of life
I'm living out the life that I've been given
But baby I still wish you were mine
Missing you is just a part of living
And missing you feels like a way of life
I'm living out the life I've been given
But baby I still wish you were mine
I'm living out the life that I've been given
But baby I still wish you were mine
Friday, June 17, 2011
How do you stop being a mom?
Six years of nurturing, protecting, loving... How do you stop being someone's mom?
Is being a mom based on a piece of paper that gives you legal rights to the title?
Is being a mom based on DNA.. that somehow having the same genetics makes you?
Or is being a mom more than that?.
How do you go from one day being responsible for someone's well being to the next day having no voice?
The courts and the birth family gave me that responsibility and for six years I have been Jared's mom..Now suddenly.. Jared no longer exists. And I am no longer his parent. Yet there is still a little boy out there missing his mommy. The one that dried away his tears, that sang him lullabies, that rocked him, that fed him, that took care of him, that taught him wrong from right, the one who helped shape him into the little boy he is today.
The ones that gave me that role have taken it away from me.
Still I wonder how my son is sleeping at night?
Who comforts him when there is a thunderstorm?
Who calms his fears, who is nurturing him? Is he sad?, is he anxious?
I have to put him constantly in God's hands. And trust that God is looking out for him.
and somehow switch from being a mom to three. To being a mom to two. Still someone is missing at the dinner table. Someone is missing in the yard playing with his sisters. Someone is missing giggling and playing silly games. Someone is missing every time I turn around...
Is being a mom based on a piece of paper that gives you legal rights to the title?
Is being a mom based on DNA.. that somehow having the same genetics makes you?
Or is being a mom more than that?.
How do you go from one day being responsible for someone's well being to the next day having no voice?
The courts and the birth family gave me that responsibility and for six years I have been Jared's mom..Now suddenly.. Jared no longer exists. And I am no longer his parent. Yet there is still a little boy out there missing his mommy. The one that dried away his tears, that sang him lullabies, that rocked him, that fed him, that took care of him, that taught him wrong from right, the one who helped shape him into the little boy he is today.
The ones that gave me that role have taken it away from me.
Still I wonder how my son is sleeping at night?
Who comforts him when there is a thunderstorm?
Who calms his fears, who is nurturing him? Is he sad?, is he anxious?
I have to put him constantly in God's hands. And trust that God is looking out for him.
and somehow switch from being a mom to three. To being a mom to two. Still someone is missing at the dinner table. Someone is missing in the yard playing with his sisters. Someone is missing giggling and playing silly games. Someone is missing every time I turn around...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Finding my voice
After six years of being silenced.. After four years of being accused of having a blog.
Today... June 15, 2011 I have posted my first post.
I am a newbie to the blog world.. But not new to writing out this journey.
Everyone deserves a voice. Children have no voice...and apparently neither do adoptive parents according to the courts. For six years I have tried to be little man's voice.
We, stood and fought for him and now the legal battle is over.
The world would say we lost because our precious son is no longer in our home. But I know that life is but a vapor... I know that there will be a day when the time we are with him will be much longer than the time we are without him... For Eternity is a long time.
We were given six years with him. Six very hard years. This is my journey of healing of processing of grieving. The journey towards my destiny. I refuse to let THE ENEMY which is not the courts, which is not a birthfamily but a much more powerful force silence my voice. I refuse to let THE ENEMY win over my family, my marriage, my children, our destiny, our purpose in life.. For we are crushed, we are broken, we are battered from a six year battle.. the path of destruction like a tornado has come and left war torn shards in our lives.. This is a time to reach into the rubble and find the treasures, to heal, to rebuild.
Today... June 15, 2011 I have posted my first post.
I am a newbie to the blog world.. But not new to writing out this journey.
Everyone deserves a voice. Children have no voice...and apparently neither do adoptive parents according to the courts. For six years I have tried to be little man's voice.
We, stood and fought for him and now the legal battle is over.
The world would say we lost because our precious son is no longer in our home. But I know that life is but a vapor... I know that there will be a day when the time we are with him will be much longer than the time we are without him... For Eternity is a long time.
We were given six years with him. Six very hard years. This is my journey of healing of processing of grieving. The journey towards my destiny. I refuse to let THE ENEMY which is not the courts, which is not a birthfamily but a much more powerful force silence my voice. I refuse to let THE ENEMY win over my family, my marriage, my children, our destiny, our purpose in life.. For we are crushed, we are broken, we are battered from a six year battle.. the path of destruction like a tornado has come and left war torn shards in our lives.. This is a time to reach into the rubble and find the treasures, to heal, to rebuild.
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