For those who know me know that I often choose the hard path. I am a risk taker. I thrive on adventure. I get excited about change. I rearrange my furniture on a whim, I change my hair color. I am not afraid to take risks. If anything I have been very trusting. God's got this. We can do this. Lets GO! Living through the trial the journey and the loss of our son has left me questioning and uncertain, timid, scared and jaded. Like a bird with broken wings.
Flying with broken wings takes courage. Flying with broken wings takes therapy. Flying with broken wings takes healing. Flying with broken wings takes time. It is not like the first time when you jump into an adventure unaware of the dangers that lie ahead. It is not even the same process. Learning to fly with uninjured young strong wings is a whole other process. I wearily look at eager young birds and think they have NO IDEA what they are in for. BUT I do and still I am born to fly. willingly knowing the dangers. Willingly knowing the risks.
Learning to fly again. Learning to trust again. Learning to soar again.
I find that I have lived half hearted this past year or so. Afraid to completely jump into anything whole hearted. Afraid to be hurt again. Nurturing that injured wing.
God is gently calling me to step out again. It is a scary thought.
I am so grateful for those around me who have been patient with me in these past few years. I have been all over the map. Walking out grief has no clear path. I am thankful for God's patience and his timing. He has graciously given me time to heal. There have been a few times God has lovingly nudged me close to the edge and asked me if I am ready to jump. I have peered over the side of the nest panicked and ran scurrying to safety. There have been times I thought YES today is the day I am ready to fly.. Only to get to the edge peer over the side and be overcome with fear. I know there will come a day when God, in his mercy, will push me out of the nest
again, wether this injured little bird thinks she is ready or not. It
will be time to fly again. For God knows what is best for me. God knows I was born for adventure. I was born to fly. God knows how much time I need to heal and God knows when I am ready.
Of course it is not just me he will be sending out of the nest there are three other injured birdies. My husband and my two girls. Our broken wings are knit together in one tangled mess. He knows what stage all of us are on in our healing process. He knows when we can handle the journey and the adventure of flying again.
