The other day.. I thought it has been a month since I have seen your sweet face, a week since I have heard your beautiful voice. Is this really my life?? I have read enough books and watched enough movies.. BUT to be the one facing the grief. Adjusting to a new normal. A new normal that makes me a mom of two girls at home minus one little boy. Doing things we did as a family.
Seems weird like we are forgetting someone. Sad realizing this is our new normal.
Sad when there is no one to steal my hershey's kisses with almonds... Wishing I could give you bags and bags of kisses. Sad when there is no little boy playing nerf guns in the backyard. Car rides are quiet without the J's giggling in the backseat. This has been such a roller coaster for the past six years. We have been grieving the dream of the "perfect adoption" story since day one. when things became crazy. We have grieved many times through this journey. Grieving when things became complicated. Grieving the two times when our adoption was revoked. knowing you would not "be our adopted son". Then rejoicing when we kept custody and you remained in our home.Thinking this was not the ideal situation but accepting what was. It was hard. It has been hard. I won't lie, I won't sugarcoat it. This has been a living hell. But we accepted this as our new normal. Happy that you were still in our lives. Willing to work with the disruptions of our lives with frequent trips to Kansas City. But the legal battle did not stop. We were weary but, what would you do for your child? Everything. He is our son and we did everything we could to do what is best for him...and now we face a life without him.
A new normal.
Taking it one day at a time.
Looking towards the future....
Learning to breathe
Learning to dream again
(soundtrack from our God is in Control)
This is not how we planned it..
This is not how it should be
But this is how it is, our God is in control.
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